


Guilty in his own conscience

by Somecallmemichelle



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi High, Degrassi Junior High
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Joey - Freeform, Survival's guilt, self destructive behavior, snake - Freeform, the 80's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8173229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somecallmemichelle/pseuds/Somecallmemichelle
Summary: Wheels guilt and trauma over the death of his parents makes him destructive. And he hates himself for it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This sterns from a conversation I had with PugMaster, she claimed that people usually have either a negative or positive opinion of Wheels. Well I'm sort of in the middle. Hence this

His grandma yells at him, but really the young canadian boy couldn’t give less of a damn even if she was a big ol’turd. He doesn’t think he has ever seen her without her sour face. -  _ Like a lemon. - _ he thinks, not too shabbily, maybe he could incorporate that into the next Zit Remedy song, they can hardly make it big with just one hit. Or maybe they could, he has heard that there are people who will write the songs for you, but Wheels doesn’t want to be a phony and lie to the public. The all adoring, presumably topless public.

 

Wheel grins as he lowers himself to put on his sneakers. They smell of that cheap cleaning spray that his grandma uses to clean everything, which makes his grin turn into a grimace. He’s told her countless times not to enter his room. - There are things in there he’d rather she not find out. - Not anything illegal or anything, just...stuff. Hey while Zit Remedy biggest entourage is Lucy, and only because she wants to be a filmmaker, and is not interested in the benefits of helping a future punk-rock-whatever star, he has to make due somehow. Right?

 

She’s still yammering about in the background, but he pretends not to listen. As the final sneaker is tied up he ponders if he should tell her he’s leaving, coming or going, he doesn’t think she’ll mind, and she’ll actually be glad he’s not there for a while. He knows it, his parents picked him, she had to take him on obligation duty.   
  
Wheels moves down the stairs, too quickly for Eva to say anything, or really do anything. He has a brief glance of her, of the way she still has her mouth open, ready to yell out another sentence, when finally he’s out, and there’s silence.

 

He  _ knows _ he should go to school - After all he’s this close to flunking, and there’s still at least a couple months of it to go through, and then there’s exams…It’s just that the thought of showing up to stay restricted to a desk listening to bull about integrals and tables, and worse, French, just sucks the joy out of his life. Then again he can’t win, as it’s either school or the house he was just in. And a quick reminder of his yelling grandma that he’s going to be late, makes that choice for him.

 

It’s not until he’s at school and the bell has rung that he realises he could have just ditched it for someplace else. Maybe an arcade? Who knows, and who cares? It’s too late for that now. He can’t run out the doors as the mass comes flowing in, enclosing him in the room with them.

 

The teacher drums some stupid fact or another that Wheels cares as much about as he cares for the other kind of information that comes out of his grandmother mouth. Either way it’s all dumb, he doesn’t have a hope in hell of passing! Not when he isn’t paying any attention.

 

Now that he thinks about it he should probably pay attention. He tries to remember the times when he gave a damn...but frankly those are so far back that he doesn’t seem to quite reach them. Because there’s something blocking the way, the huge, unavoidable fact, the D-day, and it isn’t some bullcrap history day like Snake insists on talking about, no, D stand for death.

 

It’s obvious - Quite obvious, oh yes, that before things were different. - And Wheels pushes his pencil with such strength it snaps the tip and makes it go flying to the ground. He’s sure everyone heard, but not many seem to be giving him much more attention than they already were. And they had been staring for a while. Why wouldn’t they? After all his live is a driverless carriage where the horses are advancing at such speed they’ll just crash down when doing a corner and have to be put down.

 

Wheel grinds his teeth together so hard he almost cracks them like he snapped the pencil. Yeah, he should probably pay attention, but he can’t, it’s not like it’s easy. Wheels tries to focus but all he can think is of the shock when he was moved into his grandma. After his parents death.

  
The fact that she seemed begrudged into taking him, instead of willing, is just another fact in the crapfest that it is his life.

 

Wheel realises his hands are shaking and suddenly it’s too much, even for him. He always gets into those dark pits of depression, when he thinks about his his father and mother, he doesn’t even know why he keeps thinking of it. Of every fight, of every misspoken word out that ever came out of his mouth.    
  
He stands up, and now even the teacher’s staring at him, there are glimmers of tears in his eyes, real tears, not like those fake tears he thinks he will one day sing about for Zit Remedy. He’s shaking. He doesn’t ask to leave, he heads towards the door and does so.   
  
Incredibly it’s harder to breath outside than inside, and Wheels is faced with the prospect that he doesn’t have a place he cares to go. He finds himself wandering the school, occasionally peeking into doors.

 

The urge to do something destructive erupts within him and he pushes with all his strength against a wall. It doesn’t bulge, but why would it? It has faced Canadian winter for more than 10 years and stood, a single fist won’t do much to it. Wheels also finds out that fist on wall hurts incredibly.

 

He remembers the last time he tried to get a beer - the Police got him and there wasn’t much he could do. He had been steaming with anger at the other two, Joey and Snake, for even thinking of drinking, when a drunk driver killed his parents.   
  
Now however, he isn’t so sure about it. A drink would swallow the guilt, probably, no? In those brief moments it’s easy to see why someone might drink. And Wheels makes a choice

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
